An insider guide on how to get a job after MBA :P, just to cheer you up

JOB HUNTING: A PRACTICAL USER GUIDE

Interviews

Case interview          Series of thought experiments in which you pretend calculators were never invented

P Equity interview    Mythical event, rarely seen, bit like the Loch Ness Monster

McKinsey interview You are in the presence of God: bring gold, frankincense and myrrh

Goldman interview   As above (but forget the gifts, they don’t need the money)

Feedback                   In the unlikely event that they remember who you were, they are likely to question either your “fit” or “commitment”…best avoided

Assessment centre  A sort of MBA Big Brother event. Never believe that any part of the program is “informal” – someone, somewhere will be observing you with a clip board.

Dings

The basic ding          You will experience in many forms: checking your email or hearing your phone ring may inspire panic

The stealth ding       You only find out you’ve been dinged when you find your best friend is off for the final round interview in

London

Back stab ding          You are dinged after the formal job offer: was common during the dotcom meltdown; American Express are only recent practitioners

Google Ding              After a process that is a cross between one of those Japanese endurance game shows and a

Guantanomo

Bay

style interrogation…you are dinged unceremoniously

Reverse ding            Pay back time…you finally get to ding someone…provided you have more than one job offer

Miscellaneous

Internship                  They pretend to pay you; you pretend to work

Career Service         An INSEAD division intent on making you into a management consultant and gathering statistics to help attract applicants to INSEAD, best avoided

Career counsellors  Overflow psychotherapy service used when professional psychiatrists on campus are over-booked.

Application analytics (we are MBAs after all!)

Primary ding rate      No. dings for 1^st round/Total number of applications.

A good quick and dirty indicator of your application situation

Secondary rate         No. 2^nd round acceptances/No. 1^st round interviews.

Used in addition to primary rate by any professional analyst

Conversion Ratio     % 1^st round interviews converted to job offers…

the free cash flow holy grail of application analytics…

Job Multiples            As in “Dunnett is trading at 5 times”: 5 job offers, but only one body to carry them out.

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